A Correspondence

The following is a letter I received in the mail a couple months ago at work. The writer is an avid boxing fan, a lover of pizzas, and a self-proclaimed Ralph Nader freak. I am sorry to say that I can't show you guys the original letter, because the penmanship borders a fine line between childlike illegibility and insane Riddler-esque stick figure drawings. Any emphasis here was all his. A response follows his letter.





To Justin Kloczko
West Hartford News/Middletown Press
347 Main St., Middletown

July 2, 2010


Hello!

Enjoy your WEST HARTF. NEWS Notice the Justin Kloczko article pg1 on Noam Sturm. I'm huge fan of boxing one of our "1st Eschelon" (WBC/WBP/IBF/WBO) world Middlebout champions there always is a Sturm out of Germany, Felix Sturm. He is a interesting commodity began at the "being noticed" level when he lost a "close one" against Oscar de la Hoya Middlebout belt on the line & prior  big one fight to del la Hoya bold (SIC) at Bernard Hopkins unified Middlebout championship. (Just note that! : )

John (censored) w/ mail to you folks I've been crusading to bring Ralph Nader to Gov. job this fall a idea I'll fit in at LtG. I have a "dynamic" "vision" for our state (& USA), I feel & I enjoy to expound on my "theories!"

If you will like to talk over electronic where I'll have time & atmosphere to expound I will make time for the West Hartford News. My facebook just to :look-up" is (Censored) & if I can look-up there message me but do not request join/please (probably) then I'll take you into my blackcombs domain which is "personal" & I'll put some forward ideas at you. if that'll work.

My three (3) exepertises are 1) boxing I'm a "expert reader." Some persons speak multiple languages. I pour that into  "boxing" which is a name game. [The Enclosed] is a GOLDtag I have printed and distributed 19,000+ times to date. | You all Could pitch same @ fame State boxer (& ex-op) "Iceman " John Scully for his  BoxRec.com rates all "active" & all retired boxers all time...while it is a "major work" also, they do rather only "toss it" together! :) (Scully a much higher "calibered" fighter than I was even is highly raised in Light hvywt div. he fought for the world in June/14 years ago. I'm rated inside  Top 1600 of 4000  Supermiddlewt div. boxers). I could lead you into a domain where "iceman" is (illegible). analysis here is expertly laid  out and if at any point then could be  "any switch" it would be between Leroy? Middleton & Henry Clark. That's quite clear.

2) I have "self invented" 1 Field: Immencity maintenence Theory" & this has developed into a branch of Police Science & here is where I enter [POLITICS].

3) My work field the pizza industry I am "expert" only w/ sales & also basic delivery set up (inelligible) & (NOTE: author says to go to page 3, which has already been transcribed, included here is the "last" page) that field is a bit "personal" w/ me. "Policy" comes into play. a person make-up is important. the field is a field of "banks"/believe me! :). What I know in that "field" (22 years) it's unique. But, I do not even know how to make a pizza, myself. I think that the future of that industry will be for the Gluton free Pizza houses.  (Hartford's "Sisson Ave" Pizza is the store, "inside industry" that I have the word on is "The best" & I have never even met or worked for those folks/There/ever yet).

 - John W.


...


Dear John,

How dare you fire off a letter talking about boxing and not even reference bare-knuckle prize fighting. I received your letter Friday afternoon and it promptly ruined my entire weekend, because if Oscar De La Hoya or Felix Sturm is your idea of a good boxer, then I’m Batman.

Have you ever heard of bare-knuckle prize fighting? Those people fought without gloves and basically did it out of sheer boredom because drinking was illegal and there was nothing to do but smash each other’s faces in for a bit of respect from the upper class. It is too bad the game got completely gutted by greedy shysters like Don King.   

Boxing was held in such low regard during that time that editors apologized to their readers for covering it. Everything goes, even eye-gouging. Go read about “Yankee” Sullivan, the Irish-born immigrant who came to New York during the mid-19th century and settled all of his personal disputes with his fists. If Sturm of De La Hoya ever got into a ring with Sullivan, it would be like witnessing a horny mule trample a little baby penguin.

But this Sturm guy seems like quite the decorated boxer, and I would definitely put my money on him over some overly-pampered superstar like De La Hoya. Germans do not fuck around. Did you see what happened in World War II? You don’t happen to be Klaus Vargus, do you? I sense some deep seeded hatred here, because De La Hoya knocked out a Fernando Vargas in September 2002. Could it be that you folks are related?

I also noticed you suggesting Ralph Nader as a potential pick for governor or lieutenant governor. No way in hell. The Green Party lobbied the man hard last fall to run for Connecticut’s senate seat. I was in the Noah Webster Library in West Hartford when Nader was there to give a talk and do a book signing. Reporters asked him if he was going to run against Chris Dodd, who at the time had not dropped out of the race yet. Many of the reporters did not take his candidacy seriously, but were desperate to get him to say that he was interested for the sake of scoring some cheap story for the day. Nader had no such interest in running for senate or any other high office. And I think the reporters pretty much destroyed any potential just by asking, “Do you really want to run for Senate?” and “What would Ralph Nader lose if he were to run?”

Nader has some good ideas, especially about passing a real Financial Reform bill that doesn’t rape the taxpayers and automatically guarantee government funded bailouts in the future. I highly urge you to follow the stages of this bill if you think you’re about due for a good cry. Connecticut has no place for Nader in government. The man speaks the truth and people don’t want to hear that in politics. Plus, he’s one of the queerest looking people on the planet, and Americans just can’t stand to vote for someone who has a face for radio.

You seem like you have a lot to say, and as a man of letters, I think you should disclose your identity and immediately run for high office. I’ll give you top-notch consulting advice. You could be the late-entry insurgent candidate and blow that yo-yo Ned Lamont and Republican Tom Foley right out of the water for the governor’s seat. We could make calls to registered voters and pose the question: “Would you be more or less likely to vote for Tom Foley if you found out that he took money from the Serbian mob and planned to reinstitute stoning as an option for the death penalty?”

I see that your line of work is the pizza industry, particularly sales. I am sure it carries way more dignity than being a reporter. I’m actually thinking about making the switch myself. I used to work in restaurants, where this crazy Yugoslavian chef, a “holder” for the mob who will remain nameless, once asked me to “make a run for him.” The situation involved picking up a package containing thousands of dollars in dirty money in New York City from a bunch of crazy Albanians. I would take his BMW. Upon retrieving the money and bringing it back to him, I would receive a cut. I turned the offer down once he said I could take his a gun with obliterated serial numbers.

Your prediction that the pizza industry is moving toward gluten-free pizzas seems spot on. Do you have any predictions for the future of journalism? We need some serious help over here. You say Sisson Avenue pizza is the best around based on somebody’s word from inside the industry? Never rely on somebody's word, go check it out for yourself. So I’m telling you, my friend, that Barb’s Pizza on Park Road in West Hartford is the best in the industry – but just don’t take my word for it. I could be completely wrong.

Best,

Justin “Just glad to be here” Kloczko